After yesterday ... i start to think that i am childish ... and maybe selfish also ... Like i only think of myself ... never put myself in his shoes and think for him ... I know i want him be good ... becus i see him in this state i very heartache ... but i use the wrong way ... I know i should use the more mature way ...yesterday i am not angry with him ... after what he tell me ... i understand how hard it is ... and i know i am wrong ... i am angry with myself ... why i never think in his point of view ... why am i acting so childish ... i know this is not what he want ... But sometimes i can't help him much becus i am too useless ... i even hate myself for being so useless ... but 1 thing for sure ... i will surely be by his side when he need me and i will support him no matter what ... i must train myself for being strong ... so that even how hard it is tears won't just drop out so easily and others won't not nod that i am weak ... so that in future i can help him out ... so no tears from me anymore ... even my tears really drop ... i also will not let anyone know ... I know sometimes things he dun tell me is becus he dun want me to worry ... and he know i will cry after that ... i will not force him anymore ... I just wanna tell him..." no matter how hard it is or what you do I will alway be just right behide you, Just turn your head around and you can find me and i will stay right there to give you all the support that you need and will not leave ... this is my promise to you ..." dun nod will his read a not ... but this is all i can say ... I am not rich nor pretty ... I know myself can't give him alot of things ... but just wanna stay by his side to look after and take care of him ... maybe all this words he already listen till sian already ... but this is the truth and is from the bottom of my heart ...
So many people love me yet i still dun nod ... still giving problem and trouble to them ... My family worry for me ... and my darling do so many things for me which i dun nod ... i alway only think i am the 1 which is giving in ... but now then i know my darling give in more than me ... he is also putting alot of effort in this relationship ... and he has been trying his best to protect me all this while... and he is doing sliently without i knowing ... today mama talk to me ... and i get a clearer picture now ... darling doing all this maybe is for our future ...
PS: From tomo onwards a brand new me will live and the weak me will just die from today and become a memory in my heart for me to remember and make sure i will not do it again ...
